anxiety and extreme sleepiness

why am i so tired today? let's begin...

so sunday night i prepare to goto bed like normal around midnight. i proceed to toss and turn for what is 5 hours of uncomfortable non-sleep. i wanted to kill myself. such horror. i also felt very anxious...for no reason at all. i just could calm myself down. at one point, i thought i was having a heart attack; for real. i didn't even goto work on monday from being so washed out from enduring this incident...not to mention i just felt like pure shit.

it's wednesday already and i'm still so so so tired. wtf? i don't get it...i went to be last night at around 12 or 1am, and slept through the night without waking up...amazing. however, i still feel like i could just fall asleep as i sit here and pretend to do work...when all i'm doing is procrastinating. i am waiting on things at the moment, so it's not like i could do anything right now because, as usual, i'm waiting for someone to get back to me. story of my life.

so this anxiety thing. big dilemma. i've been experiencing anxiety attacks since i've was young. at that time, my parents would think that i was being overly dramatic or just acting out. but back then, they would almost be worse than they are today. back then, i'd pass out because i'd work myself up so much. present day i have a pretty good grasp on it...without medication (thank you very much). but here's where it's time to make a change. the more i talk to people about it and find out that they too suffer from anxiety attacks, the more i am thinking it would be better to be on a medication or at least have one to take when the attacks strike. i don't like the idea of pills though or medicine in general. i think that anything you take for an extended period of time has to have some sort of effect on you. so do i medicate or do i suffer in silence?

my knees are black and blue from the heart concert. yes i got drunk, yes we met random peeps and yes i did the worm as i often do when i'm shitfaced. so here i sit with swollen, hurt knees and all because i can't control the need to do the worm when i'm shitfaced. where's the camera crew when you need to film a reality tv show that would have the best ratings...i tell ya. the concert was great...picture the golden girls in a concert pit with nothing but hell's angels. priceless.

two more days left...i can't wait till friday. not only is it pay day (thank god) but it's the weekend.

still don't any time to spend with the husband...guess we'll be waiting till florida in three weeks. boo to that.